I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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