Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
