When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
no you cant smoke seaweed
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
