Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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