you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
