9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
