Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm sobbing to NWA
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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