Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
