All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
