you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
