The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize