So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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