not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
