I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
