Having a random hookup so left but love u
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
