Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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