So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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