I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
