you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
