the condom got lost in my hair
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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