I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I believe in your delicious
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
