i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
