i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
