a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
