you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
