I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
