I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
