69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
