he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
