So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize