I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
