His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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