8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
