Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
