i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
