I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The air was thick with penises
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
