I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
