Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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