Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
