i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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