So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
