The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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