I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
As shirtless as possible
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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