You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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