Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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