Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
