wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
