We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
