I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
