We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
