i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
