i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
