dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
