she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
