K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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