Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize