The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
