Ambien. No doubt about it.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
