There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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