Pappa wants mamma naked
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
