i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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