worst night to have a conscience
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
