I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize