I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have already put on my inside pants.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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