Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
