I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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