Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
